The Magical Mercenary
by PhillyCh3zSt3ak
Summary: Harry never was the Boy-Who-Lived. When Harry's parents and sibling went into hiding he was left with his aunt and uncle. He gets kidnapped by human traffickers and years later ends up in Roanapur. Free, he makes his money in acquiring items both normal and strange with the Lagoon Company. What happens when a delivery brings him back home? AU/OOC characters. A multi-part plotbunny.
1. Pilot, Part 1: Origins and a Job Offer

**Hello, all. So welcome to this little ditty that my brain came up with while getting into the series** ** _Black Lagoon_** **on Hulu. Damn it's a good series. Anyway, I've seen a few fics on this site that crossover Harry Potter and Black Lagoon, but not many and thought I'd contribute my idea. This idea is similar to another on the site already but hopefully different in the long run (It's called** "Black Magic Lagoon" **by** ravenwingcorps, story ID: 6301629 **. It hasn't been updated since 2012, but I enjoyed it when I read it). This multi-part pilot is something I came up with a few months ago but after lots of revision, it's finally ready for its debut.**

 **As for the triggers, here they are listed and explained:  
** **Smuggler!foul-mouthed!gunslinger!smart!multi-lingual!mentally-scarred!Harry** **– Ok, so this is a long listed one. First Harry will be a part of the Lagoon company, hence "smuggler". He will be cursing and dropping the f-bombs like Revy, so that's two. He can shoot, that's three. He's going to one smart teen as his mother was the "brightest witch of her generation", that's four. Multi-lingual since Roanapur has a bunch of cultures and languages, you need to learn quite a few in order to get around. And finally mentally scarred as going through what Harry had to will fuck you up.  
** **Manipulative!Dumbles** **– This is a fun one for me to do. I've done one Evil!Dumbles in one of my other stories and am having a blast with it, but I like the manipulative one more, but that's just a personal opinion.  
** **Redeemed!Dursleys** **– In this fic, they won't be doing any of the things I've had them do in either of my other ongoing HP xover fics. In this AU they will be the tolerating kind of folks.  
** **Weasley/Potter/Dumbles/OoTP/DE/MoM/other!Bashing** **– Let's be honest, if I were to explain this one fully, that'd rob you of the experience so to say. Just beware that Harry, and by proxy Revy and others, will be bashing on Wizarding society from the outside looking in.  
** **Alive!Potters** **– It'll be explained in the story itself.**

 **Ok, so why is this rated M? Well first of all this is a story that's placed, more or less, inside the Black Lagoon universe. If you quickly google the cover art of the manga (or look on Amazon), you'll see that it says "parental advisory: explicit content". So yeah, that should have been a red flag for you guys when I said "fuck" above and didn't censor it. So what else can you expect? As for detailed lemons/smut that is up in the air, however, I'm not against getting your imagination running. Expect language, I mean Revy's mouth isn't the most child-friendly now is it?**

 **As for parings, those are undecided as I have no idea how long this fic will run. This is classified as AU as personalities may become OOC than you know them as that and well Harry's parents were dead and he never had a brother. Just as a reference to time, this is YEARS before Rock joins the Lagoon crew, so he won't be making an appearance in this, at least not in the pilot chapters. There's not much else to add, reviews are nice but no flames as they will be ignored. Other than that just sit back and enjoy the ride.**

 **Disclaimers: I must say that I own neither of these wonderful works and that if I did you would be the ones giving me money and I wouldn't be on this site writing at all, however, I do own my laptop and my copy of MS Word. I may have the right to any names and personalities of original characters, but that's all. All recognizable characters, story and settings belong to J.K. Rowling and/or Rei Hiroe. Also, all characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. All products that do not belong to the aforementioned authors or the people they lease their works out to belong to their appropriate owners.**

 **Warning: There are some scenes that are not appropriate for all audiences, this fic is rated M for a reason. Do not give me any flack as I warned you here and now.**

XxXxXxX

"Speaking."

'Thinking.'

 _"Over the phone talking."_

 _Spells_

XxXxXxX

 **Potter family mansion. July 1, 2001**

Ever since he was born Harry was a happy child. Always curious and smart to boot. All of James and Lily's friends had the decent thought that little Harry got his brains from his mother, as she was the smartest witch of their generation. She had a heavy hand in the creation of the Marauder's Map which required bypassing Hogwarts' wards without the headmaster noticing. It has been said by a few of Lily's muggle friends that she was smart though to be an engineer or physicist without even trying. If there was a testament to Harry's intelligence in both mundane and magical fields at an early age would be things like understanding the wizarding world's monetary system without trying. He even managed to impress a colleague of theirs from the magical law enforcement in the US who was a muggleborn that left the UK because of the discrimination from the pureblood faction by telling him all the ways that one could make change for your standard US dollar and the British pound.

On the magical side of things Harry could almost be considered a prodigy level as he was using the _Accio_ charm wordlessly and wandlessly to summon the family's half-kneezle cat to cuddle and play with it at a mere fifteen months old. And the kicker was that he could do this multiple times a day and not feel tired at all. By the time Harry was two Lily already had an education plan all set out for the child that would cover him to until Hogwarts, which his parents planned on sending him to as soon as the war with Voldemort was over. And if he were as smart as she suspected he would be done with his secondary schoolwork by the end of his first year. Or at least that was the plan. Shortly after Harry turned two they left Harry with Lily's sister while they went on the honeymoon they never had thanks to Voldemort and his followers. Thanks to a recent lull in attacks the Order could afford to let them have a week off. Under normal circumstances Petunia would have declined as Vernon would freak out about anything that wasn't "normal" in his book, however they made an exception as Vernon was a low level accountant at Grunnings who worked too many hours just to support his stay at home wife and would be too busy to notice the magical child, that and Lily had left them a thousand pounds in cash for any expenses for the tyke. This would especially help as they lived in a two bedroom flat and were pretty much living paycheck to paycheck. Petunia had constantly told her spouse that she could get a part time job to help with the bills, but Vernon was one stubborn man and wouldn't have it saying, 'It's the man's job to bring home the bacon.' In order to respect his pride, she had respectfully but begrudgingly did as he asked that time. As they got closer and closer each month from breaking even to needing to go on government assistance programs she regretted listening to him. Her sister was lucky, she got to have magic and get married to a man who's old money; it seemed as though she always for the short end of the stick.

Lily had come by a year after she and James got married to make to make up with her. They both apologized, Lily for showing off and being insensitive about her having magic, and Petunia for acting like a spoiled brat who didn't get her way. Lily had even given her a charm bracelet she made for her that was etched with runes that would keep those that wished her harm away. Petunia saw little Harry and loved him at first sight, it was then she knew that she wanted a child of her own, however with both of them as stressed as they were it would be almost impossible at this point in time.

"Aunt Petunia, what's wrong?" Harry asked as he colored away at a picture on the kitchen table.

She turned around and gave him a small smile, "Well I'm worried about your uncle, that's all."

"Uncle Vernon doesn't seem to like me," he said sadly.

"It's not that he doesn't like you, it's that he's not used to your... uniqueness that you and your parents have," she replied quickly.

"Oh." 'I have to find a way to make uncle Vernon to like me,' Harry thought. He looked at the coffee table and saw a manila folder that had papers with numbers on them. Once his aunt's back was turned he opened it up and started to read it. He started to add to the numbers in his head several times and the one on the bottom wasn't the same as the darker number on the bottom. "Auntie?"

"Yes Harr-," she paused as she saw what he had in his hands. "Harry, give me that right now," she demanded, holding out her hand and he did as he was asked. "You're in trouble, young man."

"But auntie, the numbers don't add up," he pleaded. "Just look and you'll see."

She read over Vernon's work assignment and saw that Harry was, in fact, right. She showed it to Vernon when he woke up from his nap and he was embarrassed that a three-year-old was able to figure this issue out and not the thirty-year-old [1]. Vernon took it to his boss the next day and after an internal investigation weeks after Harry had gone back with his parents back home that Vernon's manager had been embezzling tens of thousands of pounds into private accounts in the Caymans for years. Said manager was fired and promptly convicted of embezzlement. Vernon quickly applied for the man's former job and got it after a small formal interview. He got a pay raise, better health insurance, and a retirement plan from the company. They were going to move out of their small flat and into a two-story home in Surrey where they could start that family that Petunia wanted. All in all, the Dursleys were happy and it was all thanks to their nephew.

A month passed and Lily discovered after being "late" that she was pregnant again. Harry was excited as he never had siblings before and was a new experience for him. The months passed and over these months James, with the help of his longtime friend and fellow Gryffindor Frank Longbottom, fought off Death Eaters including but not limited to Bellatrix Lestrange, Lucious Malfoy, and Theodore Nott. Months later Lily went into labor and brought forth another son into the world naming him after James' father Charlus. They enjoyed relative peace as James kept Lily and his sons out of harm's way. It was for months after little Charlus was born that Dumbledore came to their doorstep worth news involving their youngest.

A knock echoed through the Potter residence as the family tried to enjoy their dinner. James answered the door, his hand ready to draw his wand at a moment's notice. As he opened the door he relaxed. "Headmaster, we weren't expecting you at this hour. What brings you here?" James asked.

"Not pleasant events, unfortunately. Might I come in?" the elderly headmaster suggested with a slight mental probe.

"Yes, of course. Please, do come in," James replied standing aside so his former headmaster and head of the Order of the Phoenix could enter. They entered the living room where Lily came in.

"James who was-," Lily asked as she then saw Dumbledore. "Oh, headmaster this is unexpected. What brings you here this night?" she asked as she took a seat on the couch next to James.

The elderly headmaster looked tired, though his mind was still sharp. He sighed, "I come with news, both good and bad. The Dark Lord will be defeated soon, and your son has the honor of doing so. You see a prophecy has been made by a soon to be the professor of Divination at Hogwarts. The prophecy states that the dark lord will be defeated by a child born at the end of July, who I am fairly confident is your son. However, I fear that the Dark Lord has spies in the Ministry and already knows this. Therefore, it is prudent that you take your son and go into hiding."

Lily's eyes widened, "What about the Longbottoms, they have a son that was born at midnight on July 31st?"

The old man's eyes twinkled as he forcibly calmed the young witch's mind, "Do not worry, I have visited them less than an hour ago and they to shall go into hiding."

"We will go to the main Potter mansion, it has wards that will keep all but Merlin out," James stated.

The old headmaster started to worry, he could not raise his perfect weapon if his parents were around to guide him. "It would be better to place this house under the _Fidelius_ charm instead," he forcibly suggested using his Leglimacy to reinforce it.

"But what about Harry?" Lily asked quite clearly despite the mental suggestion.

"Place him with his aunt and uncle, he will be safe there." Dumbledore mentally plotted, 'The Dursleys hate magic, if I can break both of the boys they could be the perfect disposable tools I need to take over the Wizarding world and manipulate it according to my designs. Petunia and Vernon are the perfect tools to make this happen.' Little did Dumbledore know that while Vernon hated magic, he was also thankful for Harry getting him his promotion so he was more lenient to magic than he would have before.

That was how Harry came to live with his aunt and uncle for close to a year. Arabella Figg was placed across the street to keep an eye on the child, being a squib the poor woman never stood a chance against the old man's mental magic. The months passed and Harry helped look after his cousin Dudley who had been born two months after his own brother. Harry did wonder why he had been placed with his aunt and uncle and not with his parents, he had been eavesdropping on the conversation the night the "old man" came over. His parents would never send him away unless it was for his own good, or they were being controlled or manipulated. He could feel the power rolling off the man in waves like he felt from his brother and occasionally himself. Harry's primal instincts told him that the old man was powerful even without seeing any of his power to back it up.

Close to a year passed and Vernon decided one day in June to take his nephew out to spend some time with the boy, mainly at Petunia's request. He didn't hate the boy, but he was wary of his dormant power that would occasionally spike. Like one time when he got excited in preschool one day he turned the teacher's hair neon blue, or the other time he accidentally dropped a teapot belonging to the late grandma Evans and reconstructed it, looking as though he reversed time to save it. Vernon, Harry, and baby Dudley walked through a park in Surrey. It was a warm, sunny day. Warm enough to warrant a frosty treat.

"Harry, wait here," Vernon said pointing to a park bench that was no more than thirty yards from the ice cream vendor cart. "What kind of ice cream do you want?"

Harry thought for a moment, "Chocolate, please." The boy had manners, that Vernon knew for sure. Vernon wheeled Dudley in his buggy over to the ice cream man. Harry watched as his uncle got his treat, what he didn't notice was the sinister man coming up behind him. He felt a prick in his neck and then everything went dark.

XxXxXxX

The next thing Harry felt when he woke up was that he was cold and naked; the second being that it was pitch black and he could have sworn that what was containing him was rocking as if he were at sea. "Hello?" he wearily asked. "Is there any one here?" He could hear sniffling ask around him, from both young male and female voices around him. He tried to stand up but was kept intro place by something around his ankles.

"It's pointless, you know," a girl sounding the same age as him said next to him. "We've all tried to get free, but it's pointless. We're as good as dead."

"Maybe not if we stick together. I'm Harry, what's your name?" he asked.

"What good is a name to those walking to the gallows?"

"It gives me something to call the voice of a girl next to me."

She stayed silent for a moment, shock saddened Harry. "My name is Becca," she finally said.

"Where are you from? I'm from a little town called Little Winging in Surrey, England."

"I'm from the Bronx in New York City."

"I miss my parents and aunt and uncle. My parents went into hiding from this terrorist with my younger brother and left me with my relatives to be 'safe,' but as you can see I'm not. What about you, do you have anyone that misses you?"

"My parents are dead."

"Oh… that sucks."

"Not really. I killed them myself. My mother was a whore and my father her pimp. Before you start feeling sorry for them or think I'm a monster they were both heroin addicts that became violent when they weren't getting high. I lived in fear of my own flesh and blood. One day I just snapped. When they were riding a heroin high I took my dad's .38 Special and put two in his skull. My mom was so high she didn't even notice, I put one though her heart," she said with neither pride nor regret. "I was on the run from the Blue for weeks before these assholes found me."

"I was in the park with my uncle and cousin just getting ice cream. I felt a prick in my neck and everything went dark, next thing I knew I was here, naked and chained up."

"That seems to be the same for everyone else here, including me."

"What are they going to do to us?" Harry asked worriedly.

"Do you really want to know?" Becca asked in return.

"Yes," he replied hesitantly.

"I've heard of these kinds of people before by other bastard children like me. Children of whores and their Johns," she clarified. "They heard that people from organized crime families like the Russian and Italian mafias, the Japanese Yakuza, the Chinese triads, et cetera abduct children that may be appealing to potential clients around the globe and sell them to these people as sex slaves, as slave labor, or as child soldiers in some warlord's private army. The girls more than boys end up in the sex trade. Exceptions are made for the more 'exotic' ones." This made all of the children whimper in terror, wishing in that moment that they were all dead.

Hours passed, many of the children accepted their fates begrudgingly while still crying. Others swore vengeance upon their kidnappers and potential owners. Yet two were in thought, in complete silence. The pitch black cargo container began getting colder by the minute and Harry could feel the girl next to him shivering, as he was too.

"I heard," he said breaking the silence. "from my uncle who camps a lot with his friends that when it gets cold and you don't have blankets or sleeping bags that huddling together will keep you warm." Becca climbed on top of Harry sitting in his lap, hugging him to keep herself warm. He wrapped his arms around her to hold her close, they kept each other warm s they nodded off to sleep.

XxXxXxX

 **One week after Voldemort's attack on the Potters**

Albus Dumbledore was not a happy old manipulative geezer. No, he was internally irate while externally 'happy' for his former students turned unknowing lackeys. The Potter couple survived his former student Tom Riddle's attack. He had expected him to use the Killing Curse on James and Lily before the planted knowledge of blood magic that he implanted into Lily's mind months before took effect and redirected whatever curse that Riddle decided to use that night back at him. However, Thomas deviated from his normal modus operandi and tortured James into submission for him to torture later while he stunned Lily to be taken to Severus, as per a bargain that the potions master struck with the former Dark Lord. He didn't know the details, but the Dark Lord agreed to the deal.

He was going to use Severus' guilt to make him teach the Potter boy Occulmancy in his sixth year and constantly put him down to lower house self-esteem to allow the Weasley's son to gain easy access as the boy's friend and then getting the only daughter that the Weasleys would have as Charlus' lover and become pregnant with his child before he was to face an eventually reborn Voldemort, therefore, giving the Weasleys their payment for being loyal followers of the 'Light' and his 'Greater Good.' Their son Ronald would have gotten a muggle-born girl who would have willingly 'submitted' to him, with Albus' help of course to make the next generation of Weasleys stronger than the last as new blood made the old families' stronger.

'But _no_ , James and Lily just _had_ to stay among the living. They hadn't been the good little disposable minions they are,' Dumbledore thought in anger, yet kept a kind grandfatherly mask on for the people he was the guests of. 'The "Greater Good" hasn't been compromised. I still have a few years to restructure all of my original plans. I can't kill off James or Lily as it would be too suspicious. All of Voldemort's Death Eaters have been rounded up and accounted for. I can get Ronald and Charlus as friends and have young Ginny throw herself, and her purity, at him once she comes into "bloom," and once Tom uses one of his Horcruxes to return one day in the future; but how to control the boy?'

"WHERE IS MY SON!" Lily yelled angrily at Dumbledore.

"What do you mean?" Dumbledore asked innocently. "Little Charlus is right here," he gestured to the fifteen-month-old child in Lily's arms.

"I'm talking about Harry," she replied impatiently. "WHERE. IS. HE."

"What do you mean, Lily? Is he not with Petunia and Vernon Dursley?"

"He _was_ , at least until a month ago," James said.

"He was _kidnapped_. And you didn't even bother to tell us?!" she shouted. "Petunia said she got in contact with one of your contacts after she filed a missing person report with the police, and said contact said they would be going straight to you."

"What was this person's name?" Dumbledore asked.

"Jameson."

'Ah, yes. Good reliable Jameson. My plant inside of Scotland Yard who would have prevented any investigations on Charlus and Harry's wellbeing and treatment.' "Unfortunately, he died before he could get me any form of information. But rest assured I will conduct the search myself," he then entered both Lily and James' minds. "You have another son and he is now your primary concern now."

Their eyes glazed over as the old man's instructions took hold. "Yes, of course. Charlus is now our main concern now, not Harry," James said and Lily agreed.

'This is but the start of my new plan,' the old headmaster thought to himself. He had no plans to search for the other boy, he already had his moldable soldier.

XxXxXxX

 **Ten years later (2011), Roanapur**

Balalaika and many of her subordinates ruled up to a warehouse that belonged to a soon to be evicted chapter of the yakuza. They had broken the one rule of Roanapur: stay inside your own territory and don't step on any toes of the other members of organized crime. This chapter stepped on many toes including Chang's triad, the Italian mafia, and more importantly Hotel Moscow. The warehouse was officially on Hotel Moscow's territory, so, therefore, they got the honor of cleaning up and claiming any property inside.

"We are in position, Capitan," Boris stated.

"Good, send them in," the former Russian expat commanded.

Boris made a single hand sign and simultaneously several charges detonated and doors flew invested as Russians armed with Kalashnikovs stormed the warehouse. The thing that surprised and worried her was there were no weapons being discharged by her people or the yakuza.

" _My God,_ " one member said over the radio.

"What are you seeing?" Balalaika asked.

" _Bodies, bodies everywhere._ "

"Who?"

" _The yakuza members._ "

Balalaika turned to Boris, "Did anyone beat us here?"

"Nyet, comrade captain. We were the only ones here," Boris replied.

"Investigate, but be careful the ones responsible may still be inside," she said over the radio, to which she for a response of ' _Da_ '.

Minutes passed and burned nothing happened, Balalaika _almost_ wanted something to happen. The radio them crackled to life, " _Comrade captain, we found two teens, a boy, and girl and they're-._ " He was cut off by a trio of gunshots.

"What happened?" Boris demanded.

" _One of the kids are armed. I think we found our killers._ "

"What makes you say that?" Balalaika asked.

" _They're both armed, naked, and covered in blood while not having a mark on them._ "

"Anything else of note?"

" _They're both crack shots. One managed to wing me before I got behind cover._ "

" _You're not taking us, fucktards!_ " a male teenage voice said though the radio, his accent was definitely a refined English accent. " _If you try and take us, we're taking as many of you down with us._ "

"The boy sounds English alright, what about the girl?" Balalaika asked.

" _Asian-Caucasian mix, maybe Chinese?_ " the soldier replied.

"I'm thinking they were once 'employees' of the yakuza. Hold down the room they're in, I think I should come down and make an offer that can't refuse."

XxXxXxX

 **One month earlier**

Harry had been transported to a tropical location of some sort. He could smell the salty sea air and hear the waves on the beach. He had been kept in a cargo container in a warehouse no larger than a jail cell. The only time he was allowed out was for when his 'employers' wanted him for something. They used his unique talents in being able to sneak in and out of places undetected to rob high-risk targets. Of course, he tried to escape, but after his first attempt, his employees implanted a GPS chip that could only be removed with intricate surgery, which he wouldn't be able to begin to start before his employers would catch up to him. He would know, he tried when his captors caught him in a free clinic in Tokyo. They were just about to administer the anesthesia when three enforcers showed up and when he returned 'home' he was punished severely.

But why was he in some tropical country or city? Well, it turns out that rumors started floating around the internet about a group of paedophiles[2] wanting to watch genuine underage teens going at it. And they wanted him to star in snuff films with various girls. Most would think that this would be a teen boy's dream come true, but it wasn't. He could tell that the girls that were brought to him were broken mentally at some sort of facility somewhere. Somehow he could see their souls still trapped in there, tormented inside. Their bodies acted on pure lust and instinct, not love. Not even affection in its most diluted form of a childhood crush. Just the primal side of these girls looking to satisfy a sexual itch that would never be sated while with this group of people.

He spent months screwing the brains out of multiple girls on camera, sometimes up to multiple times a day with the same girl, sometimes with another. To Harry all, it was just surviving with a gun to his head, sometimes literally, for sex that wasn't worth anything. At least that's how it was until a month ago when the boys sent down a new girl that they finally broke. He heard it took them years, the poor girl. His routine that day went as it always had, as he was on camera he had to eat something to keep up appearances so he got rice, then it was off to the 'set', which was nothing more than a spare bedroom with a bed that looked like it was inhabited.

The girl was always brought into the room first, sometimes naked, sometimes in some sort of lacy lingerie, or sometimes in some sort of cosplay fetish outfit. This time was different, though, mainly because of who was in the room.

As Harry walked into the room he saw the disheveled hair that could only belong to one girl that he's ever met, "Becca," he whispered in realization. He hesitated but was encouraged with the barrel of a Sig-Sauer pointed at his head. He went through the motions like he always did, he stripped down but he did he did something he never did, he returned the favor on what she was doing to him. At first, his 'manager' was not happy, but seeing how Harry's partner was getting into it, he allowed it. As of recent, he had been practicing what his family called 'magic' and he started delving into the minds of the girls and his managers. This time he was ready to use it in full force on his only friend for the last ten years. He slowly entered her and looked deeply into her eyes, he then felt his consciousness being pulled into hers. If he failed, at least her suffering would be over.

XxXxXxX

 **Inside Becca's mind**

Harry walked through a city he had never seen before. He saw in the distance the Empire State Building, he then knew this was New York City as his mother had shown him landmarks of all the major cities that each city of the world was known for. The Eiffel tower and Arc de Triumph of Paris, the World Trade Center, Statue of Liberty, and Empire State Building of NYC, the Golden Gate Bridge of San Francisco, the Great Pyramids of Giza, Rome's Coliseum, the Great Wall of China, and so much more.

He walked down the empty streets to an apartment complex which he sensed housed the consciousness of Becca. He walked inside and found the apartment that she supposedly lived in. He slowly opened the door and saw two people looking at him. The first was the little girl that had become his first friend, the brown-maroon [3] haired girl that has haunted his dreams for years, she was clad in a blood-stained tank top and jean shorts while the second was clad in nothing at all looking at him with lust filled eyes, dead and empty of any spirit that wished to keep on living.

Harry walked over to the young woman and cupped her chin. "Becca, what did they do to you?" he asked.

"They did what they do to all the girls they take into the sex trade. They break them. Psychological torture reinforced with daily sexual assault to mold the girls into the perfect sex doll," the younger Becca answered. The older one tried to grope him, to get into his mental pants.

"What if we could escape?" he said pulling the older Becca's hand away. "Get away from all this."

"How? If you haven't noticed we're both slaves for the yakuza."

"I have something that these people don't have, how do you think I was able to enter your mind?" He let the question sink in. "My parents called it magic."

"But how will this 'magic' help us?"

"I can train you. During my forced employment, they loaned me out to this Vietnamese warlord for more sex slaves. This guy's men taught me how to shoot, and I can do the same for you."

"Again, how? It's not like we can have secret rendezvous or something, we're locked up in different sides of the same compound, the only time we would have together is when we would be forced to have sex with each other."

Harry thought to himself before recalling a memory. "When I was with my parents, my mother once said that Einstein once said that time is relative to the person experiencing it. Here we've been talking about what, ten minutes? Outside of maybe one second had passed, maybe even less."

Becca realized what Harry was getting at. "You could give us weeks if not months of training in the time it would take for us to climax in the real world."

"Exactly. And if we were to give them a good enough show for them to keep us getting together for their pornos, we could get years of training and even develop our own style of fighting, all in a month if I estimate the time dilation correctly."

Both Becca's held out their hands, "Well, old friend, I think we have a deal. Let's get started."

XxXxXxX

 **One hour ago**

Harry was right. After he and Becca gave their employers a great show they had them getting together for daily recording sessions, which lead to years of weapon training and different hand to hand fighting styles being learned. Becca decided on picking up how to dual-wield handguns while Harry tried to heal the psychological torture that the people in charge of breaking her did, 'try' was the key word. On camera, their performances went from wild and savage at the beginning and started leaning towards passionate love making as Harry slowly reversed what they did to her. And their audience just ate it up, they kept asking for more of the Chinese redhead and the emerald eyed Englishman.

There were other things that they did to her, things he would never be able to heal with his level of 'mind magic', but at least she'd have full cognition of her actions and wouldn't be a useless slab of meat when their escape plan was initiated, but a viscous killing machine.

Over the last month, Harry had been stealing pistols and ammunition with his sticky fingers and he even made them invisible to the naked eye. He had obtained several different models as well as enough ammunition to fight a small battle. He stuck two pistols and several magazines to the small of his back using magic and stuck the same load out to his hips, it didn't take long before they came for him. This was to be his and Becca's final performance for these people, and they were going to give them one hell of a show.

Harry entered the room and his cohort and lover were waiting for him on the bed already. She put on the same mask as she always did, the insatiable nymphomaniac lover. He was already undressed so he walked over to the bed. She spread her legs as she still had to play the part of the broken whore. He entered her slowly which elicited a gasp from her lips. He laid on top of her as he thrust slowly.

He whispered in her ear, "Two of them, small of my back, three clips each." She wrapped her arms around him, which to the observers looked like she was trying to pull him in deeper, but she was grabbing the hidden guns. "In sixty seconds we'll roll over so you'll be on top once I get my hands on my gun pick your targets and fire at will," he whispered.

She wrapped her legs around his waist and they rolled over so she was now straddling him. Harry reached for his gun and aimed it as Becca aimed hers. "Eat shit and die, assholes!" she yelled as she squeezed off the first two rounds, which found their new home inside two of the gunmen wielding Uzis. Harry also fired two rounds, the first found its way into a thug acting as a gaffer, the second got a thug who was doing the lighting.

The director started to run in fear. "Not so fast, shit for brains," Harry yelled as he and Becca let off a round each that landed in a separate kneecap. Becca got up off of Harry and slowly walked over to the director, who was trying to crawl away.

She stood over him and put the barrel of one pistol at the back of the guy's skull. "End of the line," she said coldly, with no life in her eyes at all. She squeezed the trigger twice, double tapping the man.

She then walked slowly out into the hall and started entering rooms, executing gang members without hesitation or remorse. "Becca!" Harry yelled. To which he was answered with a hail of bullets from the remaining yakuza members. "Oh fuck me." He picked up a dropped Uzi and blindly fired around the corner as Becca got farther away, continuing her slow rampage.

XxXxXxX

She walked into another room and shot more of her captors. 'Kill them all, make them pay,' echoed in her head and she obliged. She slowly stalked through the hallways kicking in doors and shot all those inside. As she moved to each room the same thing echoed in her mind as a mantra, 'Kill them all, make them pay.' She had no idea how long this went on for, it could have been seconds or hours. Eventually, she rounded a corner and saw Harry pointing a gun at her, she raised her arm to shoot the threat, but something inside her stopped her from pulling the trigger. 'No, he is not one of them,' the voice said but her gun remained raised.

"Beck, don't make me do this," he pleaded, his own gun raised. "We were supposed to leave together. Now lower the gun." The light slowly started to return to her eyes.

"Harry?" she asked.

"That's right." He reached out and lowered her pistol and aimed it away from him. "Let's get outta here, ok?" She nodded, grabbing his hand. There was then several explosions and doors beyond blasted in. "Shit! We need to hunker down." They started to run farther away, but there were more men coming. Harry heard a noise behind him and blindly fired three times.

You're not taking us, fucktards!" he yelled. "If you try and take us, we're taking as many of you down with us. Voices speaking in Russian started talking over the radio. The only thing he caught was something along the lines of 'don't fire, wait for me.'

Minutes passed and no one entered the room nor were there bullets flying. Soon he could hear in the awkward silence someone in heels approaching. "Well, well, well. It looks like you gave the Japanese quite some trouble, and saved me and my men some," a scarred woman stated as she entered the door frame. "I should thank you for your assistance. But how should I do that? It seems as though your employer is no longer among the living." she asked taking a drag of her cigarette.

"You could let us and the other girls go free. We'll take clothing and whatever these guys had in their wallets and we all go our separate ways," Harry replied keeping his weapon trained on this woman.

The woman tapped off some ash, "My, that does seem like a fair agreement, but you won't last long on the pocket money you'll get from their wallets in Roanapur. What if I were to offer you two a job?"

Both Harry and Becca tensed up, their fingers almost ready to pull the trigger. "In case you haven't noticed we killed the fucker that was our last employer," Becca stated.

"Based on your state of undress I'd hazard a guess of sex workers." She saw their minuscule winces. "I see I hit the nail right on the head. What if I could get you a job in item acquisition and transportation? I know a good man who has a shipping company who lost his crew recently to the government of Hong Kong after some of their more disreputable acts came into light while on their soil. You would have a home and you can even keep the guns you have. All you would have to do is some contracts with my company occasionally when called upon. So what do you say?"

Harry turned to Becca, he saw her concern. "Can you guarantee our safety?"

"While you are on a job, that's all on you; but while you're in port, so long as you don't betray us then you are under the roof of Hotel Moscow."

He looked to Becca again. She nodded. "We want the agreement in writing, but otherwise yes. We will take you up on your offer."

"Splendid! Boris, please find our new contractors some decent clothes," she said to her lieutenant, who nodded and left. "And what are your names?"

"I'm Harry and this is-."

"Revy, my name is Revy," Becca stated.

XxXxXxX

 **Four years later, Hotel Moscow front, London**

Dimitri, the Russian import/export representative, sat at the front counter reading a local magazine. It was some tabloid in which all the stories had a grain of truth, but in the end were hoaxes most of the time. The warehouse he managed lay right across the street from some shady pub that looked like it hadn't been renovated since the seventeenth century. He had visited the pub on a curiosity-filled quest for alcohol once, he was not impressed. It was dirtier than an STD filled whore house, and he knew what one looked like [4]. If a health inspector saw this place the owner would definitely be shut down. The clientele was even more strange. They were all dressed in stereotypical clothing one would wear if they were going to either cosplay or dress up as a witch or wizard for Halloween. There was even a guy in gaudy purple robes that had a beard like Gandalf. 'This is either one place dedicated to cosplay or there is something else going on here,' he told himself at the time. They didn't even have vodka, even most American bars and pubs had vodka! And they were enemies during the Cold War! Most stared at him confused while a few others had more sinister thoughts, he kept his holdout pistol close and at hand as he left 'unwatered' so to speak.

The bell set on top of the door rang and he put the magazine down. "Hello and welcome to Dimitri's Antique Restoration, for all your repairs and antique finding needs, how might I be serving you today," he said in a heavy accent.

"Ah, yes my good man. My name is Albus Dumbledore and the man next to me is an associate of mine, Mr. Bagman. We were hoping to engage your company's services to find an artifact," the gaudy robed elder requested.

"Anything can be found, for a price. What is it?" Dimitri asked.

The younger of the two men pulled out a sheet of parchment. It had the image of a goblet or chalice on it. "This is the Goblet of Fire. It is a wooden chalice like artifact that, according to legends, would choose names of champions to compete in a tournament for riches and fame. It was on loan to some... colleagues of ours back in 1950, unfortunately, the ship transporting the Goblet sank in a storm somewhere is southeast Asia."

"Fantastic," Dimitri said sarcastically. "But in case you did not notice I take care of hunts in _Europe_ , not southeast Asia." He pushed the parchment back. "I'm sorry but I cannot help you."

"Now listen here you-!" the man said as he reached underneath his jacket.

They both heard a click, "You should think very carefully about your next move." The man slowly pulled his arm away from his suit coat. "I said that _I_ couldn't help you, I never said I could get in contact with some people I know in that area, for a finder's fee of course."

Albus and Ludo looked at each other before nodding. "That is agreeable. How much?"

"Fifty thousand US dollars with a ten percent finder's fee, either in non-sequential notes or in gold bullion."

"THAT'S OUTRAGEOUS!" Ludo yelled.

"You want good service, yes? Well, that is price. And for that price, we require a ten thousand dollar deposit. Not including the finder's fee."

"Do not worry, old friend. We can afford it," Albus said.

"We _can_ , but the amount that the winner will get will be significantly less," Ludo whispered.

"Well the champion will have to live with it then," he muttered back. "Very well Mr. Dimitri, I do believe you have yourself a deal."

"Good. Have the money here by four this afternoon and my associates can get started in the morning. Bring any documents related to the task, including the last known position, and I will fax them later tonight," Dimitri said. He saw Ludo mouth 'fax.'

"Must be what they call their owl service," Albus muttered in reply. "Why not now?"

"Is middle of night, no one in office. It will be morning there when it is night here. Or did you not know that?"

"My apologies, my old mind must be slipping."

"Right, and moon is made of cheese," Dimitri said sarcastically.

"Really now? I suppose that's one less mystery to solve," Ludo stated. Dimitri stared incredulously, these two were bat shit insane.

'Well so long as their money is good Balalaika won't care,' Dimitri thought. 'Plus what's the worst that could happen?'

XxXxXxX

 **Apartment in Roanapur, eight hours later**

There were sounds of erotic moans and grunts coming from the lone bedroom in the apartment. At the door, the sounds of wet flesh slapping against wetter flesh were more pronounced. Inside was the smell of sweat as the two figures fucked each other senseless was pungent as the couple had been at it for hours. Clothing was scattered all over the place, the woman's bra was on his computer monitor while her thong somehow landed on the door knob. Two gun holsters were hanging from the headboard.

The young couple was drenched in sweat, their hair disheveled. The young woman was on top, riding her man. The woman then quickened her pace, their breathing and hearts beat faster.

"Oh my God!" she exclaimed as she arched her back, her breasts bouncing wildly as she continued to bounce on top of his rod. "I think- I think I'm gonna- Ahn~!"

"Me too!" her partner said through gritted teeth. They both grunted as he thrust from below. They both screamed out as they were pushed over the edge. The woman's eyes rolled up into her head and her tongue hung out as her muscles seized up and her stomach warmed up from the fluid inside as their nerves lit up. After what seemed like an eternity, she collapsed on top of her partner.

"That. Was. Fantastic," she said between breaths. "We should do it again."

She was drawing circles on his arm with her nails. "Oh? Like we did four times already?" her partner laughed softly while running his hand through her long hair. "What are we exactly to each other, Beck?" he finally asked after their breathing had slowed a bit.

"Friends. Co-workers. Fuck buddies," Revy looked up at the holsters on the headboard. "Badass hired guns." There was silence for a while longer while they continued to caress one another. "Why do you ask, Harry?"

"Can we really separate sex and love? Sure we fuck whenever we feel like it, outside of a job of course. But is there anything more to it? To us?"

"We've been having sex on and off for years without anyone knowing. Well maybe Scarface knows since she was the one who found us," she shrugged. "Do you want something more, is that it?"

"Yes? No? Maybe? I dunno."

"You know, I only act like this around you."

"Yes, because if anyone else did it you'd shoot 'em in the balls."

"Damn straight." Harry's burner cell started to ring. "Harry, phone," Revy said sleepily.

"I can't reach it. You get it, it's on the bedside table."

"Why can't you get it?"

"Because of your, pardon the pun, killer body is laying on top of me."

"I could always get off," she countered.

"Oh please, you prefer dozing off with me still inside you," Harry countered her counter statement with a wry grin.

She sighed, "Fine, I'll get your stupid phone for you." She flipped open the phone, "Yeah? Whaddya want?"

" _Revy, what are you doing answering Harry's phone?_ " the baritone voice asked on the other end.

"What's it to you, Dutch?"

" _Other than my guess that you two are sleeping together has been proven correct, we have a new job_ ," Dutch replied.

"How the fuck did you know that?" asked Revy genuinely surprised for once.

" _You seriously think I don't know what happens on my ship without my knowing about it?_ " he asked rhetorically. Revy didn't give a response, " _I thought so, give the phone to Harry_."

"Phone's for you. It's Dutch and he knows about us bumpin' uglies."

"Fuck all kinds of duck," Harry muttered. "Yes, boss?"

" _A new job's come in. Get to the boat ASAP. For the record, it's something straight up your alley._ "

"Strange, full of wonder, and plausibly dangerous?"

" _You read my mind. The guys that ordered the job didn't seem mentally all there, but that'll be explained in the boat. Speaking about dangerous things, let's take a moment to talk about Revy. I don't know what kind of arrangement you two have, but so long as you don't bring the drama and activities that are a part of your relationship onto my ship, you are free to do as you have been. Be here in two hours_." And with that Dutch hung up.

"Well Beck, it seems as though we have a new job to do."

"You know you're not allowed to call me that," Revy said, laying down on his chest again.

"In public, yes. But when it's just us, well anything goes really."

"So what's this about a job?" she asked.

 **To be continued in part 2…**

XxXxXxX

 **AUTHOR'S NOTES! Well, post chapter notes that is.**

 **[1] The reason that Vernon was unable to figure out said problem I personally blame stress. When you're doing something under stress from both things inside and outside of a job it is so much easier to make mistakes that you thought you'd never make before.**

 **[2] Please note that I do not condone pedophiles. If you are one and haven't hurt anyone, go get psychiatric help. I only mention this even in this story to show just how depraved some people are in the world that will pay for the most deprived of things. Nothing more.**

 **[3] This one is a bit of a confusing one and I'm sorry about that. Now on the manga cover for the first volume Revy has brown hair, however in the anime it seems as though she has maroon hair. Hence this is confusing as I am sure that it is the lighting that's making it change color, so I went with both just to be safe.**

 **[4] Let's be honest, the Leaky Cauldron isn't the most sanitary place. I feel sorry for any muggleborn witch or wizard that has to go through that place. Even the Weasley place was filthy in my opinion in comparison to many modern homes. I mean, yeah, the kids are entranced with the promises of magic, but how could they not be put off it because of the filth? I mean you have fucking magic to clean that shit up, that's just lazy management.**

 **Ok so before I sign off on this chapter and let you guys review and respond to it I do have some parting notes and words for you all. What is a pilot? It is pretty much the same thing as a plotbunny, an idea that someone writes when they want to get an idea out, but they're not sure if they can turn it into something more than just a one-chapter story. It may be revisited later, but it might also change. What does that mean for this story? Well once I finish the rest of the pilot chapters (as I divided them up because of a number of words) I will revisit this pilot and ask myself what needs to change in order to make this into a multi-chaptered story similarly to how I've been running my other two fics.**

 **For example, I might revisit this and say "do you know what? I don't need Rock at all for this story as this is an AU and is not part of the cannon** ** _Black Lagoon_** **story." I can do that as this is my telling of how this crossover would go. I might go back and age both Revy and Harry up to fit the age requirements that I see in the manga and anime and bring in Rock later. I don't know as it's all up in the air right now, hence the reason that this is a plotbunny or pilot. I don't have all the details fleshed out right now, but rest assured when I do decide to make this a chapter length story I'll make appropriate changes or none at all. That's all I have to say on that for now.**


	2. Pilot, part 2: Collection and Delivery

**Hello again, I'm glad to see you have returned to see the second half of this pilot chapter. Now I've been doing some thinking since the first part was written and decided that if this fic goes longer than these two of three pilot chapters that, until it's officially stated who, Harry is paired up with he'll be in an open relationship (AKA friends with benefits) with Revy, whether he'll end up with her, in the end, is completely up in the air right now.**

 **And now, review replies (see my new review policy that went into place after this story was started):**

 **demonicDRAMAqueen: I'm glad that this is a "breath of fresh air" as it were for you. Just as something to think about: who said it ever had to be Danny Radcliffe that plays this specific Harry, hmm?**

 **Britishviking: That's sort of the idea of what pilots are for, throwing things at the wall and seeing what sticks in the end. The "true" story that will be started after this (see post chapter notes) will hopefully cover that.**

 **Talismann: Who says that they can't have _A_ moment like that, but yeah I'm definitely going for the more screwed up approach where they're pretty much the only things keeping each other sane.**

 **hellfire45: Even they don't know what they are. They don't know if they're just sex friends/FWB or something else entirely.**

 **Fido123a: I think the hardest "thing to follow" is the whole Harry being smarter than he was in the canon continuity. I just throw ideas at the wall and this is what stuck for this pilot idea.**

 **Ftxfusion24: I announce how long this "pilot" series will go on for before creating an actual chapter based story that will work off of this. Things will change while others will stay the same, as are the nature of pilots.**

 **The Keeper of Words: Indeed. Especially when he discovers that his "backup plan" for Harry won't work at all and will more than likely end up with him getting a .45 in the skull after staring down the barrel of a .45 (bonus points for catching the reference there).**

 **As for everyone else who voiced their support of this, I thank you for your support and patience in waiting for this pretty beefy chapter of approximately 8k words (my word counter is wonky right now for specifics). Please note that the first 5k of this was originally written about the same time that the first chapter came out, but the rest was written while I was on vacation in the Black Hills. Nice place, go visit it if you ever get the chance. So if things seem a little... off or break continuity for whatever reason, that's the reason.**

 **Pilot pt. 2: Collection and Delivery**

XxXxXxX

 _ **Black Lagoon, September 1, 2014**_

The PT boat glided across the water like a water bug. A heavily armed water bug. Inside were four individuals. The African-American captain Dutch, the Jewish technology expert from Florida Benny, the trigger-happy foul-mouthed akimbo gunslinger Revy, and their resident 'expert' on all things weird and fellow gunslinger Harry.

Everyone was dressed as they always were. Dutch had his flak jacket, Benny his Hawaiian shirt, and Revy with her tank top and borderline bikini-cut denim shorts. Harry was wearing olive drab colored cargo pants, a grey t-shirt that had some sort of logo from some Russian unit as the design, a pair of black steel-toed boots, one pistol holster around his right leg as well as a second set similar to what Revy, to complete his look he had a pair of custom made steel-toe running shoes. He carried two Beretta 92FS and a single custom made original piece based on the Halo 3: ODST M6C/SOCOM for intimidation purposes. Each holster had the spare magazines, each of them extended to hold more rounds.

"Well, boss, what's the job?" Harry asked as the boat pulled out of the Roanapur harbor. He opened a Heineken and held out a second to Dutch.

"It seems like two old geezers want some sort of artifact from some shipwreck that sank fifty or so years ago that was originally transporting it from Japan on some cultural exchange program to help Japanese-Chinese-American relations post second world war. I believe there's more to it, but that's all we have to work on for history," Dutch explained. "Benny?"

"Well according to the last known location it was estimated that the ship sank around this area," Benny stated as he pointed to a spot on a nautical map. "I ran numerous simulations with the help of an old friend that owed me one, and we determined that the ship most likely rests once hundred nautical miles south, assuming that our clients aren't wrong or were lying to us."

"Well, they definitely are hiding something. The one that handed the contact off saw them chatting in plain view of one of the surveillance cameras and he forwarded the footage to a guy who read lips and got back something about traps."

"Which means we need to be on our guard when extracting it from the wreckage," Harry finished. He took a sip of his beer. "Anything else on our mysterious benefactors?"

"They were willing to part with fifty big ones, pay five G's as a finder's fee, and drop ten G's as a security deposit. Scuttlebutt says we got overpaid in pure twenty-four karat gold bars worth twice as much. It's like these guys are made of money," Benny said excitedly.

"Or they don't know the value of the money they're spending."

"That too," Dutch agreed, this seemed a bit fishy.

"Who cares?" Revy said asked. "If these fuck heads want to spend more on us than the job is worth, let them. More money for us. Mama's got her eye on a new M-16 with all the fixins."

Hours passed and they arrived at the approximate dive spot. In a locker room that was kept on board, Harry and Revy stripped down to their skivvies and started getting changed into wetsuits.

"You know," Harry said as he did the material over his hips. "I do own an M-16. If you want to use it, all you have to do is ask."

"I know you do. But I want one of my own," Revy retorted as she started pulling the suit up over her breasts.

"Fair enough." They walked out into the deck where Dutch had set out the tanks and respirators. They started putting on the gear when Benny came above deck with a laptop that was synced to his instruments below deck.

"Alright, lady and gents I got a ping approximately three hundred feet down. Thanks to the shoddy info we got from the clients I don't even know if this will be the only stop or the first of many," said Benny.

The diving duo put on the flippers, mask, and respirator before doing final checks. Seeing that everything was deemed safe to use they rolled off the boat into the water. When Harry reoriented himself he saw Revy pointing down at a generic ship shaped shadow.

They slowly descended, watching their depth meters. When the ship came into view it confused the both of them, it was an older ship, at least from the 18th century if not earlier.

Revy signed, "Hey, maybe we'll find sunken treasure." They had both learned sign language a few years back for dives and more than once in a recovery job its saved their assess. Especially with jobs that required breaking and entering.

"Maybe," he signed back. "But remember what the job is." She gave him the finger. "You'd like that, now wouldn't you."

They swam down deeper to find a hole that had been made when the ship landed against some rocks on the sea floor. It seemed as though the ship had rolled off of the rock some time in the last fifty years into its side. Harry pointed at the opening to which Revy replied with the international OK sign. They floated down to the gunnery deck and saw many old cannons.

"Those could be worth something to the right buyer," Revy signed.

"But do we have room on the _Black Lagoon_?" Harry signed back.

"Maybe if we dumped some of Benny's stuff..."

"Beck, I know Benny is the probie, but Balalaika brought his skills to Dutch's attention AFTER you saved him; and you know he is a good judge of character. He already took in two emotionally scarred kids who routinely fuck each other to vent. We can't have a computer savvy Floridian join us?"

"I don't trust him."

"I don't either, but I see his usefulness. What's got your knickers in a twist?"

"I know he's on the run from the feds, who's to say he won't burn us for a shorter sentence or to even walk free?"

"We'll have to wait and see. The guy won't last long against several guns pointed at him if he does."

This seemed to sate Revy as she then started to delve deeper into the ship. Harry turned his waterproof flashlight on and saw what history had left behind. As they entered the cargo hold they found bones of the former crew who never escaped, their flesh and innards eaten by fish and other sea life.

In the middle of the room were two chests. One looked to be made of pure white marble while the other looked to be made of mahogany.

"So which one do you think it is?" Harry asked.

"Who cares? We'll take them both and sort it out topside. The old shit gets his item and we keep the other one," Revy replied.

Harry pulled out a few small packages and attached them to the handles of the wooden chest while Revy attached a few more to the marble one. They took the first one and dragged it out of the hold so it was in the middle of the hole opened by the original wreck. They both reached for a strap and Harry held up the fingers, then two, then one. Once he made a fist both he and Revy pulled the straps which made rapidly filling bags (1) appear and the chest floated up towards the surface rapidly. They pulled the second chest intro position and once the _Black Lagoon_ had gotten the first chest of their bow they pulled the cords on the second chest and it barely moved upwards. They then set off the second set of air bags and the chest floated up, Harry and Revy following it.

When they reached the surface they were greeted by two sets of hands to pull them back on deck.

"So..." Dutch trailed. "Two chests?"

"Revy and I figured that out would be better to grab both rather than us needing to go back down to get the one we need," Harry replied.

"And we can sell off whatever is in the other chest," Revy added.

"I see," Dutch said while in thought. "Take off the gear and let's get the cargo on board."

Harry and Revy removed their tanks, masks, and other gear leaving them in the wetsuits. The first chest wasn't bad; they didn't expect it to be really light. The second, though, on the other hand, was as heavy as they expected the first chest to be, where the first only took Harry and Dutch to bring it on board, the second needed Revy and Benny to bring it on board.

"Jesus, what the hell is in this thing, buckles?(2)" Harry commented while out of breath.

"Hey guys, this thing is giving me a seriously bad vibe," Benny said slightly afraid. "As in my superstitious Jewish side is giving me a 'put that thing back where it came from' kind of vibe."

"Oh come **on** probie," Revy laughed. "Afraid of a treasure chest?"

Harry went below deck and brought up his lock picking tools. "Well if you give me a moment I might be able to shed some light on what's in the chests," Harry said as he went to work on the wooden chest.

A minute later the chest opened. "That took you way too long there," Revy teased.

"Well, it's an older, rusted lock that's been sitting underwater for fifty years. Sue me." He opened the lid and everyone's jaw dropped.

"Damn," was the only word that left Dutch's lips.

"You can say that again," Benny said in agreement.

"Alright, let's see what's in the other one," said Harry breaking the crew put off their stupor. He started picking the lock and it took longer than before. "Well, this is a lot more difficult than I expected it to be."

"Hmm, what'd you say?" Revy said while adorned with a crown and various other jewelry that could have put the Holy Roman Emperor to shame.

Harry rolled his eyes as he went back to work. Twenty minutes later he heard a satisfying click. "Jackpot." As he opened the lid he was hit by something and flew back in pain he had never felt before, not even at the hands of the 'conditioners' that the yakuza had. He screamed out with a silent scream as his vocal chords had refused to make a sound.

The other three of the crew snapped out of their stupor and rushed to the young man. "Harry!" Dutch yelled. "Kid, what's wrong?" Harry's pupils dilated and broke out in a cold sweat as he fell into the fetal position. "Benny, help me carry him below deck. Revy, get the medkit."

Harry couldn't hear what they said next as his hearing started to be replaced with a high pitched whine that one who has heard an explosion to close would experience. His vision started to darken and he passed out.

XxXxXxX

 _ **An indeterminate amount of time later.**_

Harry let out a groan as he started to come to. He couldn't move as any of his muscles would listen to him, though he could move his head. Every nerve was on fire, though not as bad as it was when he had opened the chest.

Questions like 'what happened' and 'where am I' came to mind quickly. The door opened and in came Benny. "Jesus kid," he said seeing Harry awake. "You have us quite the scare."

"What happened?" Harry asked, his voice raspy.

"The fancy chest was rigged and you got whammied, or at least that's what the 'special' doctor said."

He helped Harry sit up and helped him take a drink. "Special doctor?"

"Yeah, Balalaika called him in, said he specialized in weird ailments that borderline on an almost 'magic' level." He sighed, "Balalaika said that you guys look for some odd things from time to time, she wasn't kidding."

"Where are we?"

"At the office. Revy and Dutch wanted to keep their eyes on you. You were out for a week."

"Damn."

"Our sentiments exactly. I've never seen Revy so worried before. You guys an item or something?"

"I plead the fifth."

"Ok then... Well, I'm going to go let Dutch and Revy know you're up," Benny said before leaving.

Harry was left in the room alone as he thought about what had happened. He got hit with some sort of trap meant for a potential thief. A nasty one at that too. It felt as though someone held cattle prods at several points on his body, setting off every nerve in his body. He also felt as though he were burning from the inside out like he was inside some sort of microwave oven. Years ago after he and Revy came into Balalaika's employ he had made a contact in the Japanese Ministry of Magic, she was one of the girls that were at the warehouse with him, she also happened to be the daughter of a low ranking lord who was getting close to kicking the bucket. Once she returned home she sent him some of her old magic textbooks she learned from before she was kidnapped.

Since then you could almost consider them pen pals. More like her keeping him in the loop of any noteworthy events in the Wizarding World that may affect him in any way shape or form. She had let him know that his family had been attacked a week after he was taken by the first dark lord since Grindelwald in the 40's. Somehow they all lived and his younger brother was now called the Boy-Who-Lived as he supposedly survived the Killing Curse and is now an international celebrity in the European Wizarding World. People were constantly asking for his autograph when they weren't actively kissing his ass.

His father James was still an Auror, but he never looked into his eldest son's disappearance; the only people that cared were his aunt and uncle who filed a missing persons report. His mother had given birth again to another child, this time a daughter. If his math was correct his brother should be a fourth year at Hogwarts and his sister a first year. Harry was pissed, to say the least. He spent an entire contract's worth of munitions at the Ripoff Church shooting things just venting off some steam. It's not like he was lacking in funds, he heavily invested in the NYSE and Asian stock exchange, he had more than enough to buy several McLaren P1's, if there were more made of course. There have been times where he had considered going back, but to him, his parents are dead to him. He could live in another country, but he loved being with the Lagoon Company.

Harry was snapped out of his train of thought by Revy and Dutch entering the room. "Hey guys," a tired Harry said.

Dutch spoke first, "How are you feeling?"

"Like I stuck a fork in an electrical outlet meant for large appliances."

"Ouch. Well, we found out that the object in the chest was, in fact, our quarry. Unfortunately, our client wants us to deliver it to them."

"Where are they? Tokyo? Bangkok?" Revy asked.

"In the sticks in northern Scotland."

"Why the fuck do we have to take it up there?"

"Because that's what the client is paying is to do. Plus, if we get it to them before the deadline they may call upon us again for more jobs. Got it?" Harry sighed and Revy didn't look happy, but they nodded. "Good." He then handed over two tickets. "Those are for a private jet that will take you to London where you will drive to a location that will be disclosed by one of Balalaika's contacts. Transportation and customs have already been taken care of. You leave in two days."

XxXxXxX

 _ **Two days later, London airspace - en route to private airstrip.**_

Two people sat on a plane that had made several connecting flights. One stop had been in Abu Dhabi, that was an interesting experience. The temptation to base jump off of the Burj Khalifa had been very high, however, they only needed to refuel. They then stopped in Cairo, then Paris, and now they were on the final approach for London. As they never left the tarmac they didn't need to check in with customs. Now they were going to a private airstrip reserved for the more prestigious people of the world. And by 'prestigious' see 'those with a lot of money.'

Harry looked out the window and saw the River Thames. Just what were his aunt and uncle up to? Should he visit them, they were the only ones that seemed to give a rat's ass about him? What should he do if he sees his parents? Should he embrace them or should he kneecap his father with a 9-iron as he should have been looking for him since he was a magical cop and disown his mother for putting her other son up on a pedestal while the child acted spoiled and rotten? Harry could not slight his baby sister as he had never met her, but as for his parents, they had no excuse for abandoning him with slavers for a decade.

" _Attention passengers, we are making our final approach. Please take your seats_ ," one of the pilots said over the intercom. Harry strapped himself into the couch before reaching over to the sleeping Revy and strapped her in as well.

Soon enough the plane was on the ground and taxied into a private hangar. Harry and Revy went inside the main building and got processed for their temporary visas. It seemed as though Hotel Moscow's master forger did an excellent job as they were given entrance to the country. They walked out to the parking lot and saw the chest being loaded into a car, but not just any car.

"Nice, they got my request for my car," Harry said excitedly.

"Harry, why do you have a neon green car?" Revy asked. "And more importantly, why do you have a car here instead of Roanapur?"

"This car has been my personal project for the last year, upgrading and tweaking every last part to bring out the vehicle's full potential. I had it shipped here after I was done as I have a safe house here in the London area. As for the car, this is the 2015 Dodge Challenger SRT Hellcat. The perfect car for a road trip as the ride is smooth, even right off the factory floor. She has an approximately 707 Horsepower and has a top speed of 200 MPH. Of course, those are factory specs, not what I've made changes to."

"Chest has been loaded into car," the one named Dimitri said. He handed over a map, "Here is where delivery will go."

"Great... That's really out in the sticks," Revy commented.

They got inside the American muscle car.

He pushed the ignition button and the engine purred to life. "This is the reason I love this car," Harry said just before peeling out of the parking lot. First stop a convenience store for road trip snacks, as no road trip is complete without snacks; and after that some place in the sticks.

XxXxXxX

 _ **Meanwhile at Hogwarts, Dumbledore's office.**_

Dumbledore looked like the happiest man in the world. The last three years had gone exactly to plan. He reviewed the events in his advanced Occulmancy managed mind. Little Charlus had been friends with Ronald Weasley for years before his schooling thanks to the friendship that James had with Arthur. Molly and Lily never saw eye to eye on most culturally related things, due to one being a pureblood while the other was muggleborn, but when it came to moral issues they agreed. Lily loved her pet project of a television that had a runic array that worked around the issues that magic usually has with technological items (3). This was the only known item of technomancy in the British Isles as Albus kept her mind away from such endeavors.

During Charlus' early years Albus tutored the boy in magic theory, just giving him enough to keep him coming back for more, just like a drug dealer would do to his clients. Once the boy arrived at Hogwarts he coerced the Sorting Hat to put Charlus into Gryffindor, despite the boy's lack of courage under fire, oh he talked big but had yet to learn about 'putting his money where his mouth was', or so the muggle saying goes.

The boy had made an alliance with the muggleborn witch Hermione Granger, despite the fact he had to plant the idea in her head to befriend him while Ronald berated her for being smart. The boy ran away from Quirrel's released troll, forcing Albus to intervene and save the girl, he planted memories in all three of them baking them think that Ron and Charlus had saved Hermione. The boy was defeated by the shade of Voldemort and Quirrel, requiring him to intervene again. Albus told James to step up Charlus' magic training during the summer, he wanted his tool strong, but not too powerful to handle.

James listened to him and as he observed the boy during the Welcoming Feast he knew that he would be able to take on enemies of Quirrel's caliber without any problems. The only thing that the boy was good at was Quidditch, his studies suffered; Albus did not care if his tool had low grades as he would fudge them just enough that Charlus would pass and advance to the next year, and then he would swoop in and offer to be the boy's tutor.

The second year passed as he didn't expect it to as the Chamber of Secrets had been unlocked once again and a Horcrux made its way into the possession of the Weasley girl. Charlus had been accused as the Heir of Slytherin, but he managed to defeat the basilisk by sheer dumb luck, luckily Fawkes was there to save the boy, solidifying the boy's trust in the headmaster, and the boy gained the affection of the Weasley girl.

The third year by far was the tamest in comparison. The most interesting thing that happened was when a hippogriff was almost executed but was released by Charlus and his friends. The boy was trained more; he could at least handle one or two lower peons that were in Voldemort's pocket. The boy needed to be trained for this year in particular: The Tri-Wizard Tournament was returning. Hence the reason that Bagnold was here angry with him.

"Albus, this is an outrage!" the older man screamed at him. "We paid that muggle company good money and they still don't have the Goblet and the representatives from Durmstang and Beubaxtons will be here within the hour."

"Calm down Ludo. Is it still not 'today'?" Dumbledore asked.

"Yes, it is, why?"

"Well our contact with them said that they would have out to us by the end of the day, we still have several hours remaining before they default on us. Have a little faith."

"Then what do we tell the other headmasters and potential competitors?"

"We tell them it is being prepared for this evening, simple as that."

"For your sake, I hope so, Albus."

XxXxXxX

 _ **Evening, outside Hogsmeade.**_

"I'm not impressed," Revy said looking at the town.

"Well it's an old town out in the fucking sticks, not Times Square," Harry replied still at the wheel of the car. "You think that's the place?" Harry gestured at the castle.

"How the fuck should I know?"

Harry raised his hands in false defense, "Just asking, geez. Have you noticed that the townsfolk have been looking at us funny?"

"Yeah, it's like they've never seen a car before, fucking backwoods people."

"You know, one could call us that too, I mean we live on an island that's plain infamous around the globe." Harry looked and saw a sign with a coat of arms of a lion, raven, snake, and honey badger; in the middle was an 'H'. There seemed to be a stone bridge leading across to the castle. "Something tells me that's where we need to go."

"Whatever. The sooner we get the job done, the sooner we get paid and we get to go home. It's fucking cold here." Harry pressed down on the accelerator and the noises of the engine echoed throughout the small backwoods town.

The duo pulled up to what looked like the main entrance and cut the engine. Harry looked out to the lake and saw that there was an old ship docked at the pier and there was a carriage with Pegasai harnessed to it also in the same courtyard.

"Looks like they have visitors," Revy said holstering her pistols.

"So how'd you want to do this? Concealable weapons or show of force?" Harry responded. He holstered his own two pistols and strapped on his Automag holster on his thigh. He readjusted his leather jacket to hide the dual pistols and ink but kept the third in plain sight.

"What do you think?" Revy asked with a fox-like smirk while pulling out an M320 grenade launcher and a briefcase in the other hand.

"I like how you think," Harry said as he pulled out a Heckler-Koch MP5 sub-machine gun. He pulled out the trunk with one hand and slung it over his shoulder. "Let's go crash a party."

"Fuck yeah!"

XxXxXxX

 _ **Inside the main hall, a few minutes earlier.**_

Dumbledore sat on his throne-like chair very pleased with himself. The delegations from Beaubaxton and Durmstang had finished their little shows and the Hogwarts choir had just finished their song and he was about to stand when he felt the wards around the castle be breached for a sliver of a second by two individuals inside an automobile carrying the Goblet. The entirety of the hall could hear rumbling faintly before it abruptly stopped. He was about to welcome the visiting schools properly when the doors crashed open.

In came two figures, a male, and a female. The female was tattooed with since sort of blue tribal image that you could only see the top of on the side of her neck, she wore a black turtleneck and a fur lined winter jacket, a miniskirt with black tights underneath, a black beanie, and combat boots. What drew attention to her, other than her bust size, was the weapons she was carrying and the briefcase in her unarmed hand. Her dark red-brown hair was worn in a ponytail. She was also smoking a cigarette.

The male though had more eyes on him. He was wearing a black leather jacket, a dark blue t-shirt with what looked like a dark red handprint on the bottom of one side, leather fingerless gloves, blue denim jeans, and running shoes. He carried some sort of muggle firearm one handed and had what could only be described as a hand cannon on his thigh. He carried one handed, slung over his back, a white marble chest, either this meant this young man was strong or cast a lightweight charm on the chest. He was also smoking along with wearing a pair of sunglasses regardless that it was evening.

They walked intentionally slow, showing everyone around them, hundreds of wizards and witches in training and several powerful teachers, that they weren't afraid of them in the slightest. The young man's eyes scanned the crowd slowly, creating a threat analysis while looking for escape routes as well.

The woman was doing the same, but with a fox-like grin. Her finger was tracing the trigger on her weapon as if waiting for someone to step out of line. Both radiated an aura that told everyone who was willing to see it that these two were not to be trifled with unless they wished for quick eyes were upon them.

The duo stopped right at the head table and dropped the chest right in front of him. He took out a piece of paper from inside his jacket and spoke with no accent to derive his origins, "I got a delivery for an 'Auger Damblemore' and a 'Lardo Bushman'."

"That's Albus Dumbledore and Ludo Bagman," a man off to the side of the Gandalf ripoff said offended.

"I told you that Dimitri couldn't write for shit," the man said to his female companion as he tossed the paper behind him, who just laughed. The Durmstang headmaster let out a suppressed chuckle as well.

"He's a fuckin' Ruskie trying to write English, whaddya expect?" the female replied taking a drag of her cigarette. The deputy headmistress was about to reprimand them on her language when Albus held up his hand to stop her.

Dumbledore looked at the pair, "Ah, I see that the Goblet of Fire has been retrieved successfully."

"And before you get it, let's discuss payment," the man said with his foot on the chest, making him look a lot like Captain Morgan.

"Of course. If you'll follow me, we'll take care of this in private."

Harry was getting a bad feeling about the deal. "No, we're doing it here in front of all these witnesses," Harry said, his arms extended. The old man looked like he was going to object. "Or if you want we can just dump this in the Marianas Trench and you can hire James fucking Cameron for millions to get it for you. Or we could just blow it up," he said pulling out a remote detonator, arming the dead man switch. "For insurance purposes, I've strapped around ten pounds of RDX (4) high explosives to the artifact." A few of the children looked scared as they were born in the mundane (5) world and knew what RDX was also commonly called: C4. Of course, this was a bluff, all that was strapped to the object was a mixture of plaster of Paris and vanilla frosting, and legitimate high explosive labels printed off from the internet.

"There's no way your filthy muggle weapons could damage a magical artifact," a blonde boy around fifteen shouted from the table filed with green and silver class children like himself.

"In case you've forgotten you're still in stuck in early fifteenth century and weaponry had evolved since then. One half-pound brick could easily demolish a two level house; this thing is strapped with twenty times that. Do you think I'm really bluffing?" Harry said seriously.

The boy pulled out his wand, "I'll show you filthy muggles your place! **Avad-**!" the boy got off before there was a massive **bang** that caused the boy's wand to explode midcast. They looked at the black haired man and saw that he was holding the massive black hand cannon, and the barrel was still smoking. Those that were in front of him saw that his eye was lined up with the sights still.

"This is a custom piece based on the M6C/SOCOM and it fires a 12.7mm semi-armor piercing/high penetration round clocking in at a little over 700 feet per second," Harry said in a flat voice. "Try to harm my partner or me with another curse, and you won't live to see tomorrow as I'll let her," Harry pointed to Revy, "take care of you instead of me. And her targets don't get to have open casket funerals." To further put Harry's point across Revy pulled out a tungsten-carbide knife and licked the flat of the blade with a crazed look in her eye.

The boy sat down in shock in both humiliation and fear as the two could easily kill him. "Aww, and here I was looking forward to our alone time," Revy joked. She could have sworn the kid pissed his pants. "You still haven't gotten the silencer fixed?" she asked Harry.

"Silencing charm wore off. I'm working on a runic array to solve that issue," he replied without a care in the world to the fact that the teachers were now on edge.

"Now, now, no need for violence," Dumbledore said trying to diffuse the situation. Internally he was worried. 'This boy was able to draw his weapon, acquire Draco's wand as a target, and fire all within half a second. That only comes from extreme training and discipline. He surely is dangerous, but who is he?' he thought. "What is your name, my boy?"

"First of all, not your boy. I'm known as Chuck mother-fucking Finley, this is Two-Hand," Harry replied. This wasn't enough for the old man. He made eye contact and tried to gain entry into the man's mind. He was met by resistance, he tried to force his way in but was interrupted by the clicking of a safety being flicked off. "I wouldn't be invading minds if I were you, old man." Harry was aiming his Automag at Dumbledore's chest, a green laser sight painted right at his heart.

"My apologies, my boy. In my old age, I sometimes forget that I am trying to enter someone's mind."

Harry was suspicious as hell but holstered his weapon. "See that your mind stays inside your own body, or we'll have some problems. Now for payment, I do believe you still owe us forty thousand US dollars."

There was chattering around the Great Hall. "Of course. Ludo, would you be so kind to go get the payment from my office? Professor McGonagall, would you be so kind as to let him into my office?" The older Scotswoman nodded and left. "Would you two like something to eat as you wait?"

"Bacardi and two shot glasses," Revy said in the hopes that she'd get free booze.

"I'm sorry, we do not serve alcoholic drinks inside the school."

"Shame," Harry replied nonchalantly. Harry saw of to the side that a few of the French students were sizing him up, apparently, girls do like the whole bad boy routine. He walked over to the blonde haired one that stood out from the rest. He took her hand and kissed it gently. "Manquez pas mes excuses, je ne voulais pas faire peur, vous et vos camarades de classe, mais parfois têtues hommes ont besoin d'apprendre à leur place. (6)"

She seemed surprised that such a rough-necked man knew the language of love. "Bien sûr, Monsieur. Les assistants de cette partie du monde sont plus chauvins que les autres parties du monde, des gens comme les Malfoys devront être adoptées à une cheville de temps en temps (7)." She thought the next thing she wanted to say through. "Monsieur le Président, ils sont vraiment comme ils disent, un non-magique? (8)"

"No madam, I am a wizard, I just prefer mundane methods when it comes to my work." At that moment the Scotswoman came back with Bagman and a closed chest. "I'm am terribly sorry, but I must collect my payment."

Harry walked back over to Revy and kept his hand close to his gun, in case the geezer tried anything. In the slightly younger old man's grip was a chest, similar in design to the one the Revy was sitting on. He opened it and there shining in the dull fire were gold bars.

"I do believe that this would complete the payment for services rendered," Ludo stated. "Now if you'd be so kind as to give us the Goblet you can be on your way."

"Not so fast gramps," Revy said, her finger on the trigger. "How do we know you didn't stiff us?"

"Agreed," Harry agreed. "We will count it here and now. Pray that you've got the correct amount or you'll be dealing with two very unhappy contractors."

"Who do you think you are, threatening is like commoners?" the Eastern bloc accented one asked.

"Let me give you a hint, comrade: we currently are working for Гостиница Москва.(9)" The man's eyes widened. "Oh, so you have heard of our employer," Harry stated.

"Vat is the meaning of this Karkarov?" the giant French woman asked.

"Dumbledore had just involved us with the Russian Mafiya!" the now named Karkarov shouted.

"'Eadmaster Karkarov, vat are 'ou talking about?"

"Like many crime families around the world they are aware of both the muggle and magical worlds as I've heard of some students of some schools-," Karkarov looked at Dumbledore specifically; "Sometimes tend to end up on the streets due to their blood status or because pure blooded families throw out their squibs. They sometimes get into gangs or organized crime. One of the more infamous ones back in Russia was called Hotel Moscow. There are others like the Sun Yee On in Hong Kong or the Cartels of South America. If you take a loan from them or make a deal with them for services and don't pay the agreed upon amount, things don't usually end up well for the ones who are supposed to be paying.

"Hotel Moscow is especially ruthless under the leadership of the one named Balalaika, assuming that's her real name. Supposedly she and her unit of highly trained soldiers fought in the Afghani conflict with then Soviet Russia. When she became an expat she took along her unit with her. It is said in certain circles that if the Third World War broke out, they would be among the victors."

"And it's true," Harry chimed in. "I've seen them train before and they're ruthless. If they have you in their sights, you ain't getting away, magical or not." He took a step forward, hand still on the pistol on his thigh. "Think about it, do you think you could tell when a sniper round is coming for you over a mile away, or how about a Predator or other drone laden with a GPS guided Hellfire missile aimed right at you from ten thousand feet above you. The answer is, you don't." The air was heavy as Harry left that pause. "So it would be well within your interests to be sure that this payment is exact. Is it?"

"Of course, it is! No need for violence," Dumbledore replied quickly.

"We'll be the judge of that." Harry snapped his fingers and a card table appeared.

Dumbledore's eyes widened. 'Wandless magic?!'

"Please place the chest on the table." Ludo quickly complied. Harry then looked to Revy with a smirk, "Time to go to work."

She walked over and placed an attaché case on the table and opened it. Harry pulled out a laptop along with a digital scale. He lifted the lid and was about to turn it on when a bushy haired brunette around fourteen interrupted the awkward silence.

"Electronics don't work here, there's too much magic in the air," she stated in a know-it-all nagging voice.

"Not if you know how to work around it," Harry said with a shit eating grin and turned it on. It powered up right before her eyes. "Tada," he said as he channeled a certain version of the Joker.

Harry then pulled out a shrunken machine from the case and enlarged it. He then took Revy's knife and shaved off a small sliver and placed it into the machine. "What are you doing?" an annoying red-headed pudgy boy asked.

"This is where I tell if the payment is genuine." Harry then patted the top of the machine, "This here is a GC Mass Spectrometer." Many of the students and instructors have him a blank look. "I put a sample in, it tells me what it is. Especially when you British magicals like to transfigure things intro other things when it suits your purposes. Believe it or not when you transfigure something you leave trace elements of what it was before."

Albus was slightly worried as Ludo had been the one that procured the payment so he didn't know if it actually was all gold or if it was transfigured from another element like lead or bauxite. The two gunslingers sat down at their desk and began to inspect each piece of gold bullion, putting a small piece into the analysis machine. The redhead picked up and weighed each piece and reported it to her raven-haired partner who was typing it down in some muggle program on his computer, hitting the right corner key every once in a while. Once all the gold was weighed and counted the young man pulled out a cellular phone. It seemed as though young Hermione was about to challenge the young man, but for whatever reason, she didn't.

Harry dialed a number on his satellite phone and waited for a reply. Finally, the other side picked up. "Hey Carl, what's up?" He listened as the man complained about his wife. "That sucks ass. Hey, can you tell me what the price of gold is going for in the Commodities Exchange right now?" Harry started to write down a number. "And is that per Imperial Ounce, Gram, or Troy Ounce?" He made sure to mark down the correct weight. "Thank you!" Harry said before hanging up. Harry then ran a query inside the SQL server manager he had open and got the total weight of the gold.

Harry showed the total to Revy whose eyes widened in shock before saying, "Bakas!" while laughing.

The wizards had, in fact, overpaid them by close to thirty thousand dollars in pure gold. Harry grinned, they could not only complete the contract and keep the extra cash for themselves. Harry nodded towards Revy and she snapped the now gold laden briefcase shut as Harry shrunk and packed up the rest of the equipment he used inside another briefcase. He picked up his MP5 and slung it over his shoulder. He turned around to the teachers' table and noticed the woman he had once called his mother and the man he had once called his father. 'They didn't even notice their own son,' Harry thought in disgust. It was a good thing that he was pretty much robbing them blind. "Well, it seems as though the transaction is now complete. It was a pleasure doing business with you," Harry said to Dumbledore with a false smile.

"Of course, my boy. Please tell your employer that we enjoyed doing business with her," Dumbledore said with just as much falsity.

"I'll be sure to let her know," Harry said as the two began to walk away back towards the doors.

"My boy," Dumbledore called out and Harry turned around. "It is very late out and is hazardous for traveling. If you want we can spare a pair of rooms for you and your… partner to rest in for the night."

Ludo leaned over so he was able to whisper in Dumbledore's ear. "What are you thinking letting that dangerous pair of muggles in the school?" he whisper-spat.

"In case you didn't notice the boy was able to conjure a table up without a visible wand. Plus, think of this as an opportunity to get that money you spent back, Fudge will certainly praise you for it," Dumbledore whispered back. Bagman seemed to brighten up.

"Sorry, but we gotta jet. Boss lady's expecting her payment, especially since we've already reported the amount we've received. After all, you don't want one of the deadliest private armies after your head, do you?"

Dumbledore held up his hands, "Oh no, of course not. That would be bad for my health. But before you go there is a place where you can get a stiff drink down in Hogsmeade called the Hog's Head, if you're interested."

Revy looked very happy at the thought of some hard liquor, as did Harry, but something was off about the old man's demeanor that he didn't like. "We'll…keep that in mind." Harry then turned to Revy, "Come, Rev, it's time to go."

She then turned towards the kid that pissed himself earlier. "I'll be seeing you tonight, bed-wetter," Revy said in a singsong tone that caused the kid to shrink further into the bench he was sitting on, causing Revy to burst out laughing. Minutes later the car that the duo had arrived in purred to life once more and went towards the village. They idled in front of a dingy pub for a few moments before Revy asked, "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

"Getting drunk with some of the cash we got overpaid with?" Harry replied with a raised eyebrow.

"Fuck yes!" Revy said before taking two gold bullion bars out of the briefcase and sprinted inside the pub. Harry shook his head and stashed the briefcase in his pocket after shrinking it down. As Harry walked into the pub Revy shouted, "Hey barkeep! A bottle of your best hard liquor and two shot glasses!"

Harry could already see it now, tonight could end very badly for some people.

XxXxXxX

 **And there we go, another chapter done in this pilot series. Before I get to more notes, numbered notes!**

 **1\. I don't know how to really describe this, but think of airbags used to pull things up from the ocean floor.**

 **2\. It's an** _ **Archer**_ **reference.**

 **3\. This is something that is highly debated to this day in the HP fandom: does magic affect electronic items? Well, in my mind to an extent it does. Can you repair an electric powered item using magic? In my mind, yes so long as it is unplugged and turned off. My personal theory is that the two opposing power sources conflict with each other causing a backlash of sorts that will destroy the item in question, again so long as it is on and running. If it is off it'll do nothing since there will be no electronic parts that are powered.**

 **4\. RDX is the acronym for research development explosive. Commonly known throughout the world as C4.**

 **5\. This is something that I keep bringing up in all my fics, that is that some may refer to the non-magical world in different ways. For example the Europeans might use muggles (or maybe that's just Magical Britain), while the rest of the world might use "Mundane" or "Mundies". Plus, doesn't "muggle" sound a bit offensive?**

 **6\. [Translation] My apologies miss, I did not mean to frighten you and your schoolmates, but sometimes pigheaded men need to learn their place.**

 **7\. [Translation] Of course, sir. The wizards of this part of the world are more chauvinistic than other parts of the world, people like the Malfoys need to be taken down a peg every so often.**

 **8\. [Translation] Sir, are you as they say, a non-magical.**

 **9\. [Translation] Hotel Moscow**

 **And that's all I got for notes. Now I do realize that it's been forever since I've updated this one so know that I am already working on the final chapter in this little pilot series for "The Magical Mercenary." After I have completed it I will go back to the drawing board and start actually plotting out the story that will cover Harry's time with the Yakuza both as a "film" star and a fighter as well as going into the established storyline that Rei already created. Now I do have all 10 volumes of the English translated manga so I have that as a resource as well as the series on Hulu for me to visually reference. I really want to do this series justice. That being said I had a poll on my profile in which you guys voted that if I were to continue this that you guys would like to see me portray Harry as a more "Nathan Drake"-type character when it came to treasure hunting. And to that I say I am going to try my best at that as well.**

 **There will be more news on this as I develop it and will be officially announced in the next chapter, the pilot finale chapter. So please, do stay tuned to see what happens next.**

 **EDIT (7/16/17): Please do not yell me to update this, I know it needs to be updated and will be done so when I think I have a quality chapter to put out. Forcing me via review and PM does not make me work any faster. It'll be done when I think it is done. Thank you.**

 **Next time: Hangovers, Magic Goblets, and a family reunion.**


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